it takes one to know one(angels)
by kols-little-assasin
Summary: fitz wont just let it go. he wants to help.


Fitz counts the days until ward gets back and they can go on a mission or play a game.  
_

Ward is gone for 4 days.  
-

Then there's a problem when ward does return, there's neither a hint of a smile nor is there an attempt at pleasantries. As soon as ward is able to escape to his bunk he does. He skips dinner and proceeds to spend his time in the workout room. He spends the better part of the next day in there going at the innocent punching bag as well.

Ward is so caught up in what he's doing he notices no one and nothing, he trying to take all his emotions out on a punching bag.

Coulson merely offers a small infinitely sad smile and when Fitz Simmons and Skye ask him what's wrong he just says "its wards business, we need to let him sort his head out" but that's not good enough and Fitz refuses to let it go.  
_

Skye is the one who finally coaxes ward out(Fitz is just a little saddened by the fact it hadn't been him) but it all goes to shit 5 days later when Coulson dutifully informs ward his father passed away that morning, he tells the specialist it was peaceful and quick. Ward outwardly shows nothing, only nods, and thanks Coulson. There's no grief, no denial or anger, not even acceptance. He's back in the workout room within 2 hours.

It's the middle of the night and Fitz is watching ward from the lab, he's not sure when he decides enough is enough but he's standing in the workout room unsure what to say.  
_

"You know I used to dream about my dad coming home. I'd wonder if he was dead, I grieved for him and everything" the engineer speaks up to grab wards attention but he barely seems to register the words. He does grunt so Fitz calls it a success. (He'd like to hear ward grunt like that in a different place under different circumstances but that was a fantasy)

"How are you taking it?" the answers obvious but Fitz asks anyway "fine" it's a blatant lie "is that where you were, visiting your dad for your leave? I heard Coulson say you were supposed to be gone for a week and a half" the scot moves on.  
_

_  
it takes a few minutes for a reply but it comes eventually, as Fitz knew it would. (He's quite proud he knows ward will answer him)  
_

"I shouldn't have. I shouldn't have tried. Shouldn't have gone near him. I promised myself I wouldn't put myself anywhere near him or talk or listen to him ever again, no matter what. I shouldn't have gone back there" the specialist barely looks at Fitz when he says it and the younger man keeps in mind this was getting personal for Ward.

"what happened" Fitz' voice is soft and inviting "I hit him" ward confesses "I thought he'd actually changed and then he proved he was still an absolute asshole, the same abusive bastard who'd helped make life hell and I hit him. The 1st time I hit him and he's fucking dying. God knows there was a whole load of times I should of and this was the 1st and only. I shouldn't of even given him a chance" his hits grow more forceful until he stills the bag at the same time as clinging to it as if it's the only thing holding him up.

Fitz acts on a natural impulse rushing to Wards side and taking wards arm to help guide him to a chair and once there he puts a comforting hand on his shoulder. "It's ok" he comforts the older man, feeling the tremors going through him.

"I seized up. I stepped into that house after so many years and I could barely breathe and when I saw him I just seized up, I felt paralysed like I was a kid again. he didn't even look ill, I even thought he was faking, he seemed too…15 years and he hadn't changed one bit, I felt so sick. And he asked me for forgiveness, he wanted me to forgive him. Me. repenting on his deathbedand I couldn't. I just couldn't. I didn't- I don't care what happened to me, I couldn't forgive what happened to Dana and colbie. It wasn't fair to them. And he just instantly went back to how I remembered him, like a switch had flipped. Like he expected doing what he had always done would scare me, intimidate me, and he went to touch me and I hit him and he was-he was on the floor. He was having a heart attack and I couldn't just let him die, even after everything. He only had 'bout a week and a half to live, he was always late to everything after everything I half-hoped it wouldn't be peaceful for him, like it hadn't been for Dana" ward couldn't help it and Fitz wasn't stopping him either but Fitz can tell what ward was implying. (Fitz' very own fallen angel)

"sometimes we'd like to believe someone has changed but sometimes it's just too late" the young engineer tells him softly "I haven't felt completely helpless or scared like that since I was 15" ward admits "how did you get out of there?" Fitz asks curious (his brave fallen angel) "juvie and Garrett got me out of juvie" ward sighs "I stole a car and drove over a 1000 miles home from my military school to burn it down. My sister gave me a call over something that had happened and I went AWOL"

Fitz cards his fingers through wards hair until the man is peacefully leaning against him, when he's relaxed enough Fitz leads him upstairs to the lounge area and they fall asleep on the couch.  
_

When Coulson finds the 2 curled against each other on the couch the next morning Fitz' fingers are still threaded in wards dark hair, still subconsciously petting him hair soothingly.

Ward is the most peacefully relaxed they'd ever seen him and he looked 10 years younger.

Coulson leaves them there, smiling a knowing smile to himself; he warns the other 3 to be quiet and not to wake them up. Skye of course snaps a few pictures giggling with Simmons as well as cooing and awing.  
_

Fitz lets his hand slip off wards shoulder as the specialist walked towards the coffin in the actually empty room. Wards sister colbie had already been, given a nod to the coffin and left. Ward had been persuaded to go, the last chance he had to say goodbye. There were 3 of them there in total; Skye had come along as moral support for her SO. It took ward more time than it should have to reach the coffin but Fitz was neither surprised nor judgmental. They both took seats at the back (Fitz doesn't take his eyes off of his angel)  
_

"You know I would've thought your darling golden boy, the prodigal son, your protégé would turn up. But he was too shit scared of you in life and never held any respect for you. He's in prison now of course and he's never getting out, never. The child who forgave you didn't say a word; you let your youngest die by your eldest hand. And I'm the only one left. The one who hated you for so long. Who refused to forgive you yet wouldn't let you die. I know if there is a heaven you're certainly not there. No amount of repenting could get you up to heaven. Not a chance in hell, which is where you probably are." He swallows thickly and glances around.

"Look, where are all your cronies now? The power you tried to gain your whole life and what have you got to show for it? Nothing and no one, an empty room. You chose running with the Irish mob, drinking and trying to be a tough guy over family you had, over the kids who only wanted to make you proud. When I was younger all I wanted was for you to be proud of me, for you to say you loved me. That's why I translated for you, picked up packages and delivered them. It wasn't fear, not that there was none, but I always just wanted you to be a father, like the other dads who actually cared about their kids. I guess I learned to compartmentalise my feelings a long time ago. When you preferred beating us because you didn't want a 'poof' as a son. You wouldn't let any son of yours be gay, wouldn't let us be anything but the straightest guy doing a man's job. Is that why you let Maynard kill Dana, because you thought he was gay? Or did you just want fewer mouths to feed; after all you almost let Maynard drown me afterwards. I hated the proud look in your eye when I fought Maynard after Dana died. I didn't want you to be proud because of something like that" his voice shook "remember when I was little , you bought me that bike and everyone in my class at school were so jealous but they didn't know I couldn't ride it, they didn't know I couldn't ride a bike. I begged you to teach me, I begged you and you smacked me around and said you were too busy. So I learnt the hard way"

Wards voice hardened (his strong yet broken angel) "I learnt the hard way. On my own. Like when I had to work to earn money, I had to work to make sure colbie and Dana didn't starve, I had to work to make sure they had clothes. I had to raise them both as best I could because otherwise they'd have turned out like Maynard. I had to take the beatings and not let them know. I raised them on my own, I was barely any older than them and I had to do everything you should have done for them. Christ I even had to fight off their damn bullies then take shit off you for fighting and getting into trouble, I kept them out of trouble, away from the cops, taught them how to swim and ride a bike and tie their shoelaces. I'd had to learn it all on my own, I still have the scars to show it" his breath hitched.

"When I agreed to come and see you I thought you had changed. After all, the last time I saw you, you were trying to have me locked up in a cell for years. I hoped, I foolishly hoped against my better judgement, that it was true. That you really had changed, that maybe, however stupid it was, you'd say you had loved us. But no. you just wanted forgiveness in a last ditch attempt at repenting. I shouldn't have expected any different, any more or less. And as soon as I refused you were back to the coward who had been scared of his 10 year old son, scared of his children all under the age of 13. Strangely enough the words always stung the most, besides your rare acknowledgement of my existence and continued living. It was like stepping back 15 years" ward went quiet.  
_

Ward finally speaks again after a few minutes "you know something, when you used to say I didn't deserve friends, when you made sure I wasn't allowed them or had any…I made a dent in your car each time, hotwired your car and stole a beer out the fridge and you never figured out it was me" he shook his head slightly "I'm not sorry. I don't regret hitting you, after everything you did you deserved it. I still don't understand how no matter how old I got merely stepping in the same room as you made me feel helpless, scared"

Ward took a deep breathe approaching the coffin more, the silence stretching for a few minutes.  
_

"I was prepared to hate you. God I wanted to hate you. I've always told myself I do, always told myself I loathed you but I was wrong." He let out a deep breathe "I pity you. In the end you were left with nothing, you achieved nothing. Actually no" he corrected you made us survivors, that's what you did. You made us stronger. God I pity you so much" and he was done (his brave angel).  
-

Fitz takes his hand when they leave, a silent support.

(Ward doesn't pull away)  
_

No one says anything on the way back to the bus, they don't mention what ward had said.  
_

It's when they arrive at the bus and are stepping off the cargo ramp into the hanger ward does it.

"Fitz" he turns Fitz around gently and then wards mouth is on his. It's tender and cautious and when ward pulls away he looks almost childlike. So worried and scared, a little confused on why Fitz was still silent as if he expected him to be angry. 

_skye is cheering and Simmons is smiling handing her some money, Coulson is sporting a small, pleased smile and may seems to be wearing a look saying 'at last, honestly. How long does it take you to make a move?'

Ward is looking a little panicked now _("I don't panic, ever")_ and he goes to back away and give him space but Fitz grabs a handful of his shirt "don't you dare" the scot growls and brings their mouths back together again.  
_

Fitz will never let his fallen angel go again. He will help fix his beautiful angels wings and never have to let him go. After all it takes an angel to know one.


End file.
